I’m aware of two weddings going on today involving equally matured individuals I know. I’d get married. However, divorce terrifies me. That’s likely a good thing. On the subject of weddings, “I’ll marry you tomorrow if we can honeymoon tonght” is a line I like. Although if you had coffee with me tonight, I may marry you tomorrow. Conversation with individuals who keep the topic positive and interesting excite me way more than a hot body next to you. But facing an aesthetically gifted female helps.

Is this weird? Are relationships purely sacrifices of ones self? I understand compromise. If you like the way you are that much, does that mean you will remain single forever? In a way I’ve come to the conclusion that I’d be selling out if I had a girlfriend. I really like what clunks around inside this head. I like a certain level of solitude to sort out a world gone stupid. Unfortunately I am not immune to desolation.

When you’re built internal, it’s hard to reflect. When I reflect my energy, I always end up hurting myself. Conundrum 101. Is he fragile? Yes. Do you deserve to be with someone you will never understand? Not my call. Could you put up with this? You’d have to love and respect something that didn’t even seem real. I guess kind of like being religious and believing in god. A supposed power that loves you of which you will never see. You can’t be religious however, I don’t agree with that. Well, maybe Buddhist if I had to choose. Understand?

I really hate the idea to have to leave that life behind. I understand compromise. I don’t understand being somebody else when you like who you’ve become already. You could tell me, “Jay you can’t have it all”. But what if you kind of did already?

This is called thinking out loud. I’m telling you things I don’t even know if I understand quite yet.